"I'm going to ask her to marry me."
Jonne could still hear Christus' statement echoing in his head. He wanted it to stop. He was pacing frantically around the room, and had anyone seen him at that moment, they would've thought he was practically certifiable.
"Why her?!" his brain screamed at him. "Why not me?!"
Christus had told him she was just a cover, he wasn't sure what for since they practically made out on stage, but he had believed him. He took another drink from one of the random liquor bottles sitting around the room. Why wasn't Christus with him. Where was he anyway? Probably off with that that....Jonne closed his eyes and screamed. That was all he could manage to do at the moment.
Walking over to the mirror hanging on his wall, the mixture of liquor and weed that he injested was making his mind slow and his vision swim slightly. "No wonder he left you Jonne, you look like shit." No, that wasn't what had made his eyes blurry, it was the tears running down his cheeks. Grabbing a pair of scissors from a desk drawer he walked back to the mirror. "Fine then, if you don't want me then why should I bother." Pulling one of the long dreads out, he started sawing at it with the scissors near the roots where his hair had started growing back in. After a few moments the first one was gone. He felt something slightly satisfying as he dropped the long clump in the trash basket.
Continuing to hack away at his hair, Jonne began to absolutely sob, hardly able to breathe from crying so hard. He tried to stop and calm down, and had a bit of a scare when he found himself unable to draw any air into his lungs. He stopped, told himself to just breathe, and tried again, this time managing to fill his lungs with a loud gasp.
Clumsily, he dropped the scissors, and when he went to pick them up he stumbled and fell, so he cut the rest of his dreads off while sitting down indian style on the floor. After he had finished, he slumped against the wall and before he knew it had cried himself to sleep.
"Jonne!!" A loud banging noise accompanied the call. "Jonne, wake up man we gotta leave!" More banging. The blonde groaned as he sat up and looked around hearing Christus' voice.
"Give me a minute, Jesus." Why was he knocking anyway. Oh, right, interviews, a few shows. Yeah that was it. Thank god he had packed his bag the previous night. Standing up he looked in the mirror to check and see how much makeup had run down his face, and started in shock. He hadn't looked in the mirror since he had cut the majority of his hair. "Fuck...fuck fuck...."
"Hold on!" Grabbing a pink hooded jacket from the closet, he pulled it on, and grabbed his bag going to answer the door.
When Jonne answered the door, Christus was stunned. Jonne was wearing a hoodie, but it was very apparent that his hair underneath was.... well, a lot shorter than the last time he'd seen it.
"What did you do Jonne?" thought Christus, "Is this my fault?" But he said nothing, because inside, he knew that it was, and he could hardly bear to look at Jonne, knowing that he had been that torn up over him. "I shouldn't play with his heart like this."
Christus looked up, and noticed Larry eyeing him. Glaring at him, rather. Larry was no fool, and knew exactly what was going on. He had heard Jonne and Christus' conversation last night through the thin apartment walls. "Talk to him," Larry whispered in his ear, out of Jonne's range of hearing.
Christus only nodded, his stomach knotted with guilt. How had he let himself do this to the one person he loved more than anything in the world?
"Save it we're late aren't we?" Ducking his head he walked down the hall from his apartment and outside to the waiting bus. He didn't want Christus' to see him. Getting on the bus, he climbed into a bunk and put his headphones on under the hoodie.
When the two guitarists caught up, Christus found Jonne and gently placed a hand on his back. "Jonne, sweetheart..." The look he recieved from the blonde when he turned around made him step back.
"I'm sure you slept fine last night but I didn't so if you wouldn't mind leaving me the fuck alone, I'd like to get some rest that isn't on my floor ok?"
"Don't you want to take your jacket off?"
"No!" Pulling the curtain closed again he faced the wall and turned his music up louder.
"Shit," thought Christus, still standing outside Jonne's bunk. "I really fucked up this time."
"He won't talk?" asked Larry, observing his bandmate's half-worried, half-guilty expression.
"No. I don't know what to do. I was so awful to him," Christus sighed.
"He's hurting. Give him a little time," Larry said, abruptly ending their conversation by climbing in his bunk and putting on his headphones.
"Second time today that's happened to me," thought Christus, but he said nothing, standing there in silence, his thoughts running a million miles an hour.
Jonne looked around the room pulling at the sleeves of his hooded jacket. He couldn't help but hide from Christus lately. He looked horrible and he didn't want to see the look of disappointment in his love's eyes. So he had been drunk and high when he picked up the scissors and chopped away his dreads. They needed to come out but he had planned on having someone do it for him, and now it was too late. He pushed a hand back through the short choppy pieces and sat down on the couch in the dressing room pouting. He jumped when there was a knock at the door, and silently cursed himself for not locking it when the door opened.
"Fuck!" he couldn't stop himself from cursing outloud when Christus walked in, attempting in vain to cover his hair before he could see. But it was too late.
Christus grabbed Jonne's hands from atop his head and held them in his own, kneeling down beside the couch in front of Jonne. "Did you do this because of me, baby boy?"
Jonne refused to look at him, his eyes glued to the ground. So Christus lifted his chin, forcing Jonne to look him in the eyes, his heart breaking when he saw the sorrow in those blue eyes. A silent tear fell, and then Jonne completely let go, sliding down to the floor with Christus, crying even harder than he had when he had cut off his hair.
"Why can't you just love me Kris?"
"What? I do love you."
Jonne shook his head. "Even if you did before...now that I've done this." He tried to pull the hood over his head again.
"Stop that." Christus pushed the hood back off his head and ran his fingers first through the chopped blonde hair an then softly over Jonne's face. "You're beautiful. My angel."
"Then, then why are you marrying her? Why aren't you just gonna be with me?"
"I..." Christus sighed heavily. "She said that if I didn't marry her she was walking ok? She said that she didn't mind being a cover up but she needed things to look normal and stable and to have some security when it came to knowing what was going to happen. So I agreed. And then after we talked about it, I couldn't sleep either, and I realized how heartbroken you looked. And I couldn't go through with it, I couldn't give you up, or hurt you like that. I've been trying to tell you since we got to your apartment."
"Oh," was all Jonne could manage to say, rubbing at his red eyes.
Christus pushed his hands away, gently kissing at Jonne's cheeks, then kissing his lips softly. When he tried to pull back, Jonne kissed him, eagerly seeking comfort in his lips and in his touch.
"I'm sorry, Jonne," Christus said, pulling away again.
"Shut up," Jonne grinned, smothering his words with another kiss, and after a moment, he stood up and started to tug Christus towards the couch.
Smiling, Christus walked Jonne back toward the couch, lowering him down on the cushins until he was laid back with his head resting on the arm. He crawled over the blonde's small body then leaned down sealing his lips to his lover's. After several moments, the brunette pulled back, staring down into bright green eyes. "Baby, I'm so sorry." He leaned down placing soft kisses on Jonne's neck. "Forgive me? I can't believe I ever did anything to hurt you like that."
"I'll forgive you once my hair grows back," Jonne teased.
"Oh c'mon, it's not that bad," Christus smiled. "It makes you look like a little boy." Jonne wrinkled his nose, which made Christus laugh. "My little boy."
When Jonne heard those words, his heart leapt. He wrapped his arms around Christus' neck and kissed him so passionately that neither of them could think of anything but how good it felt to have their tongues rubbing and their bodies pressed together like this.
"How long do we have?"
"Long enough." Leaning back, the guitarist pulled his shirt off. "Lean up baby." When his lover propped up, he wrangled his hoodie and t-shirt over his head before leaning down and playing with the blonde's nipple ring with his tongue.
"Oh god..." Arching his back, Jonne gasped and closed his eyes.
"You're so beautiful like this, and no one else sees it but me. Do you know how that makes me feel?"
"The same way it makes me feel that I'm the only one who sees you like this," Jonne said, gaining momentary control over the situation as his hand reached between them and rubbed Christus' erection through his pants.
But his control was shortlived, as Christus grabbed his wrists and held them over his head, eagerly seeking out his lips. "I love you, Jonne Aaron," he purred into the blonde's ear.
Jonne smiled as his fingers grabbed at the hem of Christus' t-shirt and pulled it over his head. "And I love you, Sir Christus," he laughed, his voice mocking.
"You sure are playful today," Christus grinned.
"You haven't seen anything yet."
The blonde sunk down farther, leaving small stinging kisses down Christus's chest and stomach. He tried to go even farther down, but the brunette placed a hand on his chest holding him firmly where he was.
"Get back up here. Let me love you. You deserve an apology."
Jonne smiled, sliding back up to his original position and allowing Christus to capture his hands again. Slowly the brunette moved downward, leaving small kisses and licks on his exposed skin. He lifted his hips to help his lover pull his pants from his body, smiling at the amused look on the guitarists face when he saw he wasn't wearing underwear. "Come on, Kris, you act like that's out of the ordinary."
"Hey, I'm not complaining," Christus grinned, his tongue darting out to lick at the head of Jonne's cock. That shut him up immediately, and Christus took him all the way in his mouth, delighting in the little moans and whimpers that came from his lover's throat. Jonne's back arched again and he allowed himself to get lost in the pleasure that Christus' tongue, lips, and occasionally (but gently) teeth, were giving him. It wouldn't take much of this, Jonne knew, so he tugged Christus up by the hair and kissed him as his hands fumbled to unbutton Christus' pants.
Jonne had to pull away to laugh when he saw that Christus also wasn't wearing any underwear, and he shot him a look as if to say, "And you gave me shit?" But, not wanting to ruin the moment, he said nothing and helped the brunette the rest of the way out of his tight pink pants.
Christus went to his bag, pulling out a small bottle of lube and returned to the couch. Jonne started to take it from him but he pulled his hand back and shook his head. "Not this time baby. Relax."
"Why did you bring that anyway?"
"Well I was planning on us making up, love," Christus poured the liquid over his fingers, and leaned down to kiss Jonne as he slid one finger inside his entrance. The blonde moaned into his lover's mouth, raising his hips to meet his hand. "More?" When the singer nodded, he added another finger, working them in and out slowly.
"Oh god Kris," Jonne purred, his bottom lip planted firmly between his teeth. "I want you."
Christus took this as a hint and opened the bottle again, squeezing more of the lube into his hand, but this time rubbing it over his cock, trying to touch himself as little as possible, wanting to save everything for Jonne. Jonne cried out loudly as he entered him, and Christus tried to smother his moans with a kiss, not wanting anyone else to hear. The rest of the band was used to this, but he didn't want to chance some fan hearing and getting curious.
Breaking the kiss and staring down at his lover he spoke softly. "Too fast?"
"Uh uh. Don't stop. Please!"
Holding Jonne's hands with his own, fingers threaded together, Christus rocked his hips slowly, his breath shaking as he stared at the blonde. "You're so amazing. I don't ever want anyone else."
Jonne whimpered and turned his head to the side, pulling against Christus's hands, loving the resistance he felt there. "Prove it."
"I will. For the rest of our lives," he told Jonne, smiling as the blonde teared up, but these were happy tears, and Christus found himself fighting tears of his own.
"Touch me, Christus," Jonne begged.
Christus reached between them and began to stroke Jonne off, both of them panting now, Jonne chewing at his bottom lip.
"I can't hold on Kris," Jonne whimpered, throwing his head back.
"Me either," Christus said, unable to hold back a moan. "Go on, come for me Jonne."
At his lover's words, Jonne gave in, his body shuddering as he came hard between them.
"Fuck!" Bracing his hands against the arm of the couch, Christus rocked into his lover several more times, shaking as his own orgasm took over his body. He slid out of the blonde, shifting them both on the couch to lay comfortably together. "I just want to lay here with you...and hold you...."
"But we need to get a shower and get ready I know."
"I'll make it up to you later."
Jonne almost laughed. "In the bunks?"
"We've done it before. Hell you've fucked me senseless in one before."
"Yeah but it was awkward. I thought we were gonna fall out."
Christus laughed and snuggled close to Jonne. "Maybe we do have a little while to lay here." After staring at the blonde for a long moment, he brushed a hand over his cheek. "I love you, more than I'll ever be able to express."
Jonne leaned his head into the touch and sighed. "I feel the same way about you, but I promise to spend the rest of our lives trying to."
"Then that's enough. I love you, after all."