Lauri didn’t think anything of it when he awoke to Jonne crawling into his arms, snuggling into his chest. He knew it was late, and he knew Jonne was roomed with Jay for the night, but this was what they did; this was Jonne and Lauri. It was what they had done since they were kids, really; Lauri knew that he had still been a kid in his head, at least, the first time it had happened. He had just turned twenty – in fact, it had been the night of his birthday, he remembered because Jonne had been wearing that stupid hat, one of those cliché pointy birthdayparty hats, and they were both very drunk on Lauri’s birthday champagne, and Jonne had just melted in his arms as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He’d started sobbing because he was terrified of their career – things were starting to get big, and he was scared, and he didn’t have anybody to tell. Somehow, he had picked Lauri; his heart had picked Lauri, really, but neither of them knew it at the time. He had laid in Lauri’s arms until he fell asleep, feeling much better now that he had gotten it out of his system, and finding great comfort in Lauri’s words. Lauri had told him that he was scared too, but this was what they had both always wanted, and he swore to Jonne that no matter what happened, they would endure it together. And Lauri had laid there holding the blond, wondering why it was him Jonne had come to and staring down at his beautiful, young, innocent face, feeling something in his heart that was strange and new.
And when the morning came, everything was normal, so he told himself to forget it, and he did. Until one night, a couple months later, when he found Jonne in his arms again. The blond had not even waited till he was enveloped in Lauri’s arms to let go, this time. They were on tour, and he had just burst into Lauri’s hotel room and started sobbing hysterically before he even shut the door behind him. Lauri had thrown back the covers and run to him, his heart aching in his chest as he took Jonne in his arms and cradled him against himself, whispering to him soothingly, stroking his back softly, kissing his hair. And finally Jonne choked out that he’d been dumped. That his girlfriend, whom he had thought was the end all and be all; the love of his life – had told him she couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. Jonne always put his heart into everything that way, Lauri knew, and he was absolutely crushed. Lauri didn’t think the girl had been anything special, but he kept quiet, just listening to Jonne, and finally the singer had fallen asleep in his arms, on the floor, where they had been ever since Jonne had come in so unexpectedly. Lauri had carefully tucked Jonne into bed and spent the evening out on the balcony smoking cigarette after cigarette, not thinking about this change that was coming over them; his mind was completely blank, but it was working away at the same time, because it knew the truth that Lauri didn’t allow himself to even think.
By the time the sun came up, Lauri had shut it out of his mind completely. Jonne was his best friend; of course he would come to him when he was upset. And it was perfectly natural for him to comfort him. What else should he do with an upset friend – especially one who was so incredibly heartbreaking when he cried?
The next time Jonne came to him, he was not crying. He had been awakened by a knock at his door, and he had answered it in his underwear to find Jonne standing there in a t-shirt that was way too big for him and a tiny pair of black boxer briefs, asking in the cutest little voice if he could come in. Lauri didn’t complain about being woken up at such a late hour, instead he opened the door and let Jonne in, not really knowing what to expect. He didn’t know if Jonne was going to break down or if he should say anything, so he’d just climbed back into bed, leaving the invitation open. Jonne had crawled under the covers with him and laid half-atop him, as Jonne had a habit of doing, so that one of his legs was through Lauri’s and he was hanging over the guitarist’s bare chest. Lauri had tried not to shiver as Jonne’s fingers played at his stomach, but he was sensitive there, and when Jonne felt the shudder he confessed in a whispered voice that he was lonely. Lauri didn’t know what to think of that until Jonne kissed him, very softly and innocently, no tongue, just a gentle brush of lips, and it was the sweetest thing Lauri thought he had ever felt. They laid there and kissed like that for a while, and Lauri had carefully deepened it, his tongue tracing Jonne’s bottom lip, asking for entrance, and when Jonne let him in he’d thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. They kissed for a long time, until Lauri got too turned-on and pulled away, not wanting to scare Jonne; for the blond was very much like a wild animal, he thought, and he knew one had to move slowly around such beautiful, untamed things. He’d just laid there stroking Jonne’s hair until his breathing evened out and the gentle rise and fall of his chest signaled that he was asleep.
Jonne came to Lauri like that every night for a while, though he showed up earlier and earlier, and finally just gave up rooming with anyone but Lauri altogether. Lauri found that he missed it when they weren’t on the road, his own bed at home seemed terribly cold and empty when he’d gotten used to going to sleep with Jonne curled up on his chest like a warm little kitten. He found himself calling Jonne to go out drinking, which was totally unlike him; he had always preferred to stay at home, Jonne had always teased that he was a ‘hermit’ like that. ‘Drinking’ was really just an excuse to bring Jonne home with him afterward; there was never any discussion about it, it was just understood from the very first time that Jonne would come back to his bed and snuggle into his arms, and at some point would start to kiss him. And Lauri would always pull away when it became too much, and Jonne would fall asleep in his arms.
Once, when Jonne had had more to drink than usual, they had started to kiss and kiss and kiss, and Lauri – breathless – had pulled away and was stroking his fingers through Jonne’s hair, quietly smoking a cigarette with Jonne half-sprawled across his chest. But the blond had not fallen asleep, as he usually did; he had laid there awake for a while, instead of closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep with his lips still tingling blissfully. Finally he sat up enough to look at Lauri, the alcohol shining in his blue eyes.
“How come you always stop kissing me?” Jonne asked, his head turned sideways and looking at Lauri with a curiosity that was almost comical. Lauri would have laughed, were he not so incredibly puzzled by the question. They kissed – it was what they did – and he had never thought to take it any further than that. Jonne poked at him, and he realized that he was going to have to answer the question. “Well?”
He considered for a moment more, and answered the question with a statement that was more of a question, itself. “I thought you just wanted to kiss me,” he said.
And that was when the blond had arched his hips forward, letting Lauri feel that he was slightly aroused. Lauri gasped, but it did not phase Jonne at all. “You always get me so worked up, and then you stop. I’m horny, Lauri. I want more.”
And before Lauri had been able to think about it, Jonne was kissing him, and he was kissing back, and then Jonne was grinding against him, and he was grinding back, and had he not had so much to drink, himself, he knew his brain probably would’ve taken over by then. But it hadn’t, and it didn’t, not when Jonne’s hand slid into his underwear and wrapped around him, not when Jonne’s other hand reached for his and pulled it into his own boxer-briefs, arching desperately into his hand, the two of them getting so worked up like that that they had come in no time at all.
And when he woke up the next morning with his underwear plastered to himself and heard his shower running, he panicked at first, because he remembered exactly what had happened and though it had seemed like such a good idea at the time, he wasn’t sure about it now. But Jonne said nothing and at first he’d thought he didn’t remember, until Jonne had asked him to dinner. The way Jonne looked at him from under his lashes, the expression on that lovely, boyish face of his anything but innocent, Lauri knew that everything had changed.
Drinking two bottles of wine between them that night at dinner had probably not been the wisest decision, but Lauri had not seen any way out of it without hurting Jonne incredibly, and he never wanted to do that. So he’d drank to shut his head up, and they’d done it again, though Lauri hadn’t needed nearly so much coaxing this time before his hips were rocking against Jonne’s, desperate for release. He found it on Jonne’s stomach, and the last thing he remembered they’d been kissing, his body shivering with post-orgasmic bliss.
Apparently he’d passed out, and when he woke up the next morning, Jonne was gone. He didn’t call, and Lauri was a little afraid to call him, so they didn’t speak or see eachother again until the next week, when they had a few shows scheduled in Sweden. When he showed up to their practice place, and got into the van they would take to the ferry, he was stunned to find that Jonne had brought a girl. It was not his usual type of girl, but very clearly a groupie; blonde, big-chested, and hanging all over him. Lauri didn’t know why, but it made his stomach upset, and he didn’t say a single word to Jonne the whole ferry ride, or during soundcheck, or even after the show. He remained silent, locked inside of his own thoughts; so quiet that Kristian had noticed. Kristian had asked in his blunt, Kristian-way why Lauri was so quiet, and when Lauri hadn’t answered him, he’d dragged him down to the hotel bar and the two of them had gotten drunk off their faces together. Lauri was doing anything he could to not think about the fact that Jonne was probably sleeping with that slut at that very moment. It was Kristian who he took back to his room that night, and it was Kristian who had passed out over his chest; though when Lauri awakened the next morning he found himself quite annoyed by that fact and had shoved the sleeping guitarist off him, shouting, “Hey, wake up, asshole,” and grumbling at Kristian quite grouchily. And Kristian had been equally pissed off to be woken up in such a way, and they’d both started drinking again before lunch, because they both had the hangover of the century, and neither one of them wanted to deal with it.
Besides, Lauri was not looking forward to facing Jonne and his groupie-whore at lunch, and he resolved silently to himself that it would be a lot easier to deal with if he were drunk. So when he had stumbled into the restaurant with Kristian – fashionably late – finding the rest of the band already there, and said-slut nowhere to be found, he was puzzled – but still nonetheless grateful to be hammered. The two guitarists got quite a bit of glaring from Tommi, but neither of them really paid attention. Apparently they’d had a couple of interviews scheduled, which Jonne now had to handle by himself, and Lauri realized immediately by the look Jonne shot him over the table that he was pissed.
Jonne did not come to his room that night, or the next, and Lauri found himself drinking more and more to pass the loneliness. The second night it was him crawling into Kristian’s bed, and they’d ended up fucking, though Lauri wasn’t entirely sure how that had come about. Probably because he was lonely and Kristian was Kristian, and it was the kind of hard, quick fucking that meant nothing to either of them (though, in truth, Lauri was not sure Kristian had ever had any sex that meant something to him). Lauri had needed the release, and thought that he felt better until he woke up the next morning and realized what had happened. So he drank again, and when Kristian had kissed him heatedly that night at the hotel bar, he hadn’t thought anything of it. Kristian was just after the fucking, and he knew Lauri’d be up for it again. He didn’t know what had been going on between Lauri and Jonne, and when the two guitarists heard a gasp and looked up to see only the back of a familiar blond head running out of there as quickly as possible, he gave Lauri a puzzled look. Lauri shrugged but went after Jonne nonetheless, finding himself feeling terribly guilty as he searched for him, and not really knowing why.
He found Jonne outside in the courtyard, off in the shadows, smoking compulsively, pacing, cursing horribly in Finnish. Lauri thought he saw tears in his eyes, but as soon as Jonne noticed him, they disappeared. Lauri didn’t bother to ask if Jonne was okay because he knew he wasn’t, and Lauri wasn’t the type to waste his words that way. He stood there for a moment just staring at the blond and trying to figure out what to say, and finally he saw that Jonne was about to bolt again and realized he had to say something. “I thought… you were with that girl…” he slurred drunkenly, sounding a lot like he was making excuses for himself as he fixed his eyes on the ground.
Jonne tossed his cigarette on the pavement and stomped it out with his shoe, rubbing his bare arms; for it was chilly out, and he did not have a jacket on. “No,” he said simply, not offering any explanation whatsoever.
Lauri found himself to be incredibly annoyed, for they were fighting over something but he did not know what, and they had been for over a week now. And it almost felt like Jonne was playing mindgames with him; Lauri did not like mindgames. “Well, what’s the problem? You didn’t know Kristian swung that way? Because he does, believe me.” He had known it was harsh, but he hadn’t known how much it would hurt Jonne when he said it; or maybe he had and had wanted it to, just to get this to come to an end, whatever it was.
“I knew that. What I didn’t know was that you went around fucking your bandmates for sport – or then again, maybe I did,” Jonne bit back bitterly, turning on his heel, walking away from Lauri.
Lauri found that his heart had clenched painfully in his chest. “Wait, Jonne, I…”
But Jonne didn’t wait, he had had enough, and his heart was breaking, and he didn’t want to give Lauri the gratification of seeing him cry.
When Jonne knocked on Lauri’s door that night, it had completely taken him by surprise. He had passed out drunk a few hours before, having pushed Jonne from his mind completely but yet not having taken Kristian to bed, giving his bandmate some excuse for why he wasn’t in the mood that night. He knew Kristian could easily find someone else to screw, and somehow he just hadn’t felt like it after his fight with Jonne – as much as he told himself it hadn’t affected him. So when the knock roused him, the very last person he’d expected to see outside his door was Jonne. As soon as he opened the door the blond had pushed his way in, kissing Lauri quite aggressively on the mouth and pushing him back toward the bed. Lauri kissed back, until he remembered that they were fighting and tried to say something, but Jonne was on him again, pinning him to the bed, pulling his t-shirt over his head.
“No, Jonne, stop,” he demanded, pushing the blond off him, holding himself out of reach. “Talk to me,” he begged.
“I don’t want to talk,” Jonne said simply, not taking no for an answer, greedily devouring Lauri’s lips again. “I want to fuck.”
And when Lauri heard Jonne say that, it sent a shudder straight down his spine. He was barely able to shove Jonne off him and run to the bathroom in time to throw up, and somehow he knew that all the alcohol he had drank was only half the reason. When he’d finished retching he rinsed his mouth and went back to the bedroom, where Jonne was still lying on the bed, panting. He sat down quietly, rubbing his forehead. They sat there in silence for the longest time, until Lauri finally said, “Jonne, I don’t want to fuck you.”
Jonne sat up, hurt clouding his beautiful blue eyes. “Why not?”
The first thing that came to Lauri’s tongue was “because I don’t want to hurt you,” but it was not what he said. Because it was clear he already had, but he was still not sure he wanted to let Jonne in enough to let him know that it bothered him as much as it did. Because somehow he knew that that would be crossing a line of a whole different magnitude, much more than grinding and touching. “Because that’s not what you and I have together,” he said, watching as Jonne pulled his knees up to himself and looked at him like he was breaking his heart. “That’s not what I mean, Jonne, I just… I don’t know; I wouldn’t have put it so bluntly as to call it ‘fucking’.” It sounded so harsh to his ears, so meaningless, like what he and Kristian had done, and if he knew one thing, it was that his relationship with Kristian and his relationship with Jonne were opposites.
Jonne perked up a little bit at that and rested his chin on his arms, not looking as sad as he had before. “Well, isn’t it?”
Lauri found that it felt like he’d just had a dagger shoved between his ribs, piercing his heart. He didn’t know what to say now, he thought maybe he had misinterpreted Jonne, maybe he’d been wrong… “Well, we haven’t… done that, we’ve just messed around. And I wouldn’t, I mean…” He bit his lip, having chosen his words very carefully.
But even so, Jonne looked hurt all over again, and he hid behind his hair as best he could, not wanting Lauri to see his eyes. “Why not; don’t you want me?”
“It’s not that, Jonne, it’s just… I don’t want to hurt you, and somehow I already am, so I think we should just stop this now,” Lauri said quietly, though that was the last thing he wanted in the world. He could see that tears had started to fall from Jonne’s eyes, and the temptation to hold him overwhelmed all else, and before he knew it he had pulled Jonne into his arms, holding him tightly against his chest. “Please don’t cry, I hate it when you cry,” he confessed, feeling tears of his own welling up in his eyes – but Lauri did not cry, ever, and so he held them back with all his might.
“But I don’t want to stop,” Jonne whined pitifully, clinging to Lauri, peppering soft kisses over his shoulder. “It feels good to come to your room at night.”
“That’s all it can be, Jonne,” Lauri whispered, pulling Jonne up, kissing his hair, because he did not think he deserved the treatment Jonne was giving him, and he was afraid of hurting him; the blond seemed so fragile, and Lauri knew he would destroy him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jonne accepted that, burying himself quietly in Lauri’s chest. “Just hold me. I’m so lonely, Lauri, and it hurts.”
Lauri laid down, and held Jonne tightly against him, and for the first time in a long time, Jonne had been content just to drift off in his arms, though Lauri had felt horribly guilty that he had cried himself to sleep, sniffling softly until he drifted off.
After that, Jonne came to Lauri every night as usual, but they didn’t kiss, or touch; Jonne just curled into his arms and fell asleep. He didn’t cry, and they didn’t talk about it anymore, but slowly they started to fall back into their routine. It started with Jonne showing up in less and less clothes, and finally, wordlessly, pulling Lauri’s shirt off, because it felt better to him when their bare skin was pressed together. And then, the next night, he’d traced the lines of Lauri’s hips like he knew made the brunette shiver, and the response had been exactly what he had expected and hoped for. Lauri had tried so hard to resist it, but when Jonne did it again the next night he couldn’t help kissing him, and it made Jonne feel good; because for once, Lauri had initiated it, and he found that he had missed the taste of the guitarist’s lips immensely. Lauri had tried to pull away, but Jonne had not let him, his hand moving to cup Lauri’s erection, rubbing, letting him know that he wasn’t going to get away so easily. And Lauri knew as well as Jonne did that Jonne had him, though he had nonetheless been stunned when Jonne kissed down his body and pulled his underwear off him, leaning forward to place a kiss over the head of him. He had not expected it, not at all, and when he gasped, a predatory look like he had never seen before came over Jonne’s features. He had never gotten head as good as what Jonne had given him that night. When he warned the blond that he was close, Jonne seemed all the more determined, and he tried so desperately to gather the strength to pull Jonne off him, but even Lauri was not that strong. Jonne swallowed every drop of him and then slid back up the bed, looking incredibly wicked as he kissed Lauri, letting him taste himself on his lips. And all Lauri could think was ’sin’ as Jonne rubbed against him until he came, moaning Lauri’s name as he did. He had never done that before, either, and Lauri felt a wonderful little shudder run through him as he heard it.
It happened the next night, and the next, until Lauri started to feel guilty that Jonne was giving him so much and he had given Jonne nothing. They returned home the next day, and even before they got on the ferry Lauri had asked Jonne if he wanted to get drinks with him later. Jonne had been so clingy that day, laughing and teasing and touching, not caring that their bandmates were watching, and Kristian raised an eyebrow at Lauri more than once. Lauri just shrugged his shoulders and teased Jonne back, pretending that it was nothing, because Jonne was smiling so much and Lauri really couldn’t bear to say anything that would take away those smiles; it was worth the risk.
When they got back to Lauri’s place that night, they were both incredibly drunk, and Lauri decided that he would try to go down on Jonne, though he had never done it before – not for anyone. Jonne had finished him off and was rubbing against him as he always did and Lauri stopped him, pushing Jonne onto his back. Jonne did not know what Lauri was up to but as the other man kissed down his stomach, then across his hipbones, he started to get a better idea. Lauri was nervous, he could tell, and were he not so incredibly turned-on he would’ve taken a moment to absorb how fucking adorable it was. But Lauri had taken him in hand and experimentally run his tongue over the head of him, finding that Jonne tasted very different from himself, trying to think of what he should do to make him feel good – to bring him off. He got even more nervous when Jonne started to buck into his mouth, but he held him down on the bed by his hips and took him as deeply as he could, and when he heard Jonne whimpering that he was going to come, he forced himself to push past his fear and continued, humming softly around him, knowing that that was something that always got him going. When Jonne came, he gagged on it a little, but managed not to make too much of a scene, wiping his mouth and looking up at the blond. The look on his face was pure bliss, and as Lauri saw that, he decided that it had most definitely been worth it. Jonne pulled him up and kissed him deeply, whispering between kisses that Lauri “didn’t have to”, and at hearing that, Lauri was even more glad that he had.
They continued on like that for a long time – over a year; they never took it further but Lauri got better and better at giving Jonne head and he started to really enjoy it, after a while. Because, he discovered, Jonne was quite aggressive and vocal – though he had been afraid to be at first – he loved to pull Lauri’s curls and thrust into his mouth and be so loud that sometimes Lauri was worried their bandmates would hear Jonne crying his name through the thin hotel walls. And everyone had started to accept the affectionate way which Jonne behaved with Lauri as ‘normal’, even the two of them.
Until the day came that, mysteriously, Jonne got a girlfriend. Lauri did not know why or how it had happened, but suddenly Jonne had a girl on his arm, and she seemed to make him so incredibly happy. But still, he continued to come to Lauri at night when they were on the road or in the studio, but when he was at home, with her he didn’t take Lauri’s calls, and Lauri was hurt by it. Lauri did not know that Tommi had confronted Jonne about the relationship, and that Jonne had gotten the girlfriend to try and distract his brother. And even though it hurt, Lauri accepted it and welcomed Jonne into his arms when the blond did come to him, not saying a word about it, just continuing to do what it was that they did.
And when this girl broke up with him, Jonne did not cry, he just showed up at Lauri’s flat one night and said that she had left him. Lauri did not understand why Jonne said it so matter-of-factly, but the next week, Jonne had another girl, and as confused as he was, he kept silent.
This went on for two more years, Jonne going through several girls, and every time, he’d show up on Lauri’s doorstep, or, if it happened on tour, they’d be kissing and Jonne would suddenly say that she’d left him. It really puzzled Lauri, that Jonne seemed so impervious to it, when he had seen Jonne break down so completely at being dumped before.
So, on this night, when Jonne crawled into Lauri’s arms, the guitarist thought absolutely nothing of it, until he realized that the blond was shuddering in his arms, sobbing quietly – he had not done so in so long that Lauri had almost forgotten how much it hurt. “Hey, what’s the matter?” he asked softly, stroking Jonne’s back like he had so many times before, finding that Jonne seemed to be even more upset by it. Jonne was crying as hard as he’d ever seen him cry. And seeing Jonne cry was never something Lauri had liked or looked forward to, even at the beginning, when it was the only reason he got to hold him. “Jonne, tell me what’s wrong…” he pleaded.
Jonne answered that question with a question, a pitiful sobbed question that made Lauri’s heart speed up uncomfortably. “Do you love me, Lauri?”
Lauri wanted to pause and think about that for a moment but he knew that would hurt Jonne, so he answered swiftly. “Of course I love you, you’re my best friend.”
Jonne tried to stop crying as much as he could, lifting himself a little bit to look at Lauri. “That’s not what I mean, Lauri. Tommi…. He… he knows how I feel about you, and I couldn’t even figure it out myself until now. That’s why I’ve had all the girlfriends, because he asked me about us and it made me uncomfortable; so I got a girlfriend to keep him from asking. But tonight… he said I couldn’t fool him anymore, how I felt about you, and that I should talk to you.” Tommi always only wanted Jonne to be happy, and Jonne knew that, and he had known as soon as his brother had said the words that he was right.
Lauri gave Jonne a confused look; the type of look that made Jonne’s heart melt because it was so animated, Lauri always was… “So why are you crying?” he asked, softly.
“Because I know you won’t have me, because you said this was all we could have, but I want more. I want so much more, but I don’t want to lose you, either.” He started to cry all over again, and Lauri’s heart was lodged so deep in his throat that he couldn’t find his voice; and even if he could, he wasn’t sure what he would say. “P-please say something…” Jonne begged pitifully, tears streaming down his face. “Please say you don’t… hate me.”
Lauri felt awful that Jonne would ever think that. “Ohgod, I could never hate you,” was all he could say as he held Jonne so tightly to his chest that he was almost afraid he was going to hurt him. “I’ve always loved you Jonne, it’s just that I don’t trust myself with your heart. I never want to make you cry,” he said, realizing at the same time that Jonne was crying because of him right now. “Please don’t cry, it breaks my heart when you cry.”
“Tell me you love me,” Jonne whispered, holding his breath as he looked up at Lauri, his blue eyes pleading.
Lauri’s mouth had gone completely dry, but he found, with Jonne crying in his arms for him - because he loved him, that he couldn’t do anything but. “I love you, Jonne. I always have, and I always will. Just please don’t cry anymore.”
“I want you for my own, Lauri. I want to have your heart, the way you have mine. Please say you’ll be with me,” Jonne begged, clinging to Lauri’s chest, still not daring to breathe, yet, not until Lauri had given him an answer.
Lauri couldn’t help answering the question with a kiss, a kiss that would’ve stolen Jonne’s breath even if he hadn’t been holding it, a deep kiss that answered all of Jonne’s questions and told him everything that Lauri had been holding back for so long at the same time. And Lauri found that he didn’t care that he had crossed this line with Jonne; that he didn’t care that there was no going back and that Jonne’s heart was a gift that he would have to take great care not to break. “You have my heart,” he whispered finally against Jonne’s lips. Jonne’s eyes closed as he kissed back and Lauri realized that he should’ve said it so long before; that Jonne wanted to take the risk and that he loved Jonne enough that really, there wasn’t one. Not after he had seen the look in Jonne’s eyes when he had kissed Kristian, the once. “It was only ever you,” he added. He found himself kissed so desperately that he had to pull away, because breathing through his nose was not enough and he was afraid he would pass out if he didn’t.
“Make love to me, Lauri,” Jonne panted against his neck, and when Lauri heard those words, he lost his breath all over again, and it felt like a flock of butterflies had let themselves loose in his stomach. He felt like it was his first time, because, in a way it was; he’d never been with someone he cared about as much as he cared about Jonne. And he knew it was so strong that it might consume him, but he thought that maybe he wanted it to, and suddenly he felt so stupid for not giving himself to Jonne before now. He made love to Jonne like neither of them ever had before, and both of them were so desperate to love eachother that it didn’t last long at all. Jonne was digging his nails into his back and moaning over and over that he loved him, and Lauri felt the flames of it licking at his skin. He fought it off so hard but suddenly Jonne was begging him to let go, and he felt the blond’s release on his stomach between them a second before he came, wave after wave of it shuddering through him, stronger than anything he’d ever felt before. Jonne shivered in his arms, pulling him close, kissing, kissing, kissing, trying so desperately to put the pieces back together because he absolutely felt like he’d been shattered, and it was wonderful. And kissing Lauri soothed him incredibly, because he knew that finally, he would never have to be lonely again.